VFS.blog

Quitting Drugs

2011-03-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

The warm shower was quite a relaxing therapy. My thoughts floated on the issues I never had to deal with, with the help of my many pills prescribed by the psychiatrist. It was painful to think about my emotional issues before, especially when I was laying on the bed, feeling helpless and worthless. But I forced myself to do something good for my body. I shouldn't be punishing my body for my self-conflicts and doubts.

Having Facebook helps quite a bit. Whenever I have a strong feeling about something, I would have the urge to put something up on my status to share with everyone. So today's status is quite what I'm looking forward to do this spring break:"I just need a little bit of self-loving and emotional freedom." I had a thought last night about love being a substitute to my medication, but I can't depend on the lovers I have. So far, none of them lasts. I have to depend on myself, to love myself a little more.

I'm not sure about all the self-loathing I have when I see a man priding over his ex-girlfriend who is a model. I question myself if I fit his taste for the physical appearance, or do I want to be part of that statistics at all. I pride on my intelligence and hard work, and I hope men see that side of me too, and not my physical outlooks.

The need for being the model material girl is a little dreadful, considering that my face is popping ridiculous number of zits that goes hand-in-hand with the school load, and my allergies and sudden asthma, which I never had in my life under 3 years ago, triggered a sick-looking dermatitis that needs to be in constant care. I start questioning every flaws I have on my body, worrying about fitting his ideal type of girl, looking from his ex-girlfriend's physical profile. This is insane how I got myself down so rapidly with just seeing a tiny avatar of his ex, sending a siren in my self-esteem chamber.

Today, I shall paint my nails, do my hair, pluck every single strayed hair around my eyebrows, and read the book "Emotional Freedom" by Dr. Judith Orloff, as an emotional therapy, and attempt not to touch my medications at all cost! I want this freedom!

My Very Hard Work

2010-07-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

Design by Stephen Bushoven.

The Life before Today

2010-07-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

In a nutshell,
I found a really great friend,

Then I threw her a surprise birthday party, then she threw away our friendship because of my ex's fetish and she got creeped out,

Kelly and I adopted Scarlet few days before my birthday. Then she died from being hit by a car in front of my very eyes just a day before my birthday,

Had a quiet birthday with my friends. Had no love and support from my then-bf on my birthday after my dog's death,

I thank the Goddess for these friends. It is a blessing and I cherish every moment with them and made a promise to myself that I will drop everything I may be doing, and be there for them,

Then I created Santa Fe College's Asian Student Association,

I had a strong leadership team, then now I have to re-create the team again,

Then I met my boyfriend,

Then, Raphael tried the bellydancing scarf but it didn't fit,

Then a condom broke, and Simba came into our lives,

He was as small as Raphael,

We were all fighting about who he loved more,

Oh my boys and Jules in the background. I hope this is it, the happily ever after.

Santa Fe College Transportation Bill Phase 1 @ Tallahassee

2010-01-30T06:07:00.000-08:00

This is long overdue. I'm just going to go ahead, and put this up before the follow up post of passing of the transportation bill that is going to be passed to the higher authorities, with additional 11 representatives from SF College on February 4th, 2010, at Tallahassee. The bill has been vetoed for 11 years straight. So hopefully, this year is going to be the final time we're asking for the bill to be passed, and that it will be passed and approved by the governor.

Kelsey and I dancing away at the backseat of the van

At the House Representatives room, with Kahlil and Austin on the background

We're in Governor Chris's Office!

Seeking support from Senator Gelber *Cross Fingers*

Lovely photo touch by Mr Holme's hands. I sent my father this photo. I didn't have any other photos of the grand supreme court on the background. Ahhh.

Winter Fashion

2010-01-09T06:16:00.001-08:00

Unfortunate Unexpected January

2010-01-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

The SAD sickness upon me.
This is the beginning of my cold journey alone. My classes, senate, and Friends sitcom will try to keep me busy.

Believing is Living

2009-11-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

"One has the right to believe that God, soul, immortality, justice and freedom exists, not as metaphysical, but as practical necessities." - Immanuel Kant

My response: True. Believing is a will and makes a purpose to live. Only when you believe.

Thought: Philosophy motivates my insanity and the peace in my mind. It entwined me in its ridiculous hurricane. I'm taken away forever from my normal place on earth.

The Best Thing that Happened Today

2009-11-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

I want to remember this day Dusty Pfundheller changed my perception of life. I thank him for adding me on facebook. So much joy and love portrayed in his profile. My newfound glory. The will to live again. The will to find that happiness and laughter.

Mi Existencia

2009-11-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

I lost my reasons for being here. Therefore, I doubt my existence. More convincing for the existing, because it takes a lot for me to be convinced, but it is so easy to doubt.

Not For the Weak Heart

2009-11-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

Day to day, I learn more and more. In classes, in my room, in books, in history and in friends, I seek knowledge. The more I know, the more I fear knowledge, because its venomous sting could potentially be fatal to me if my heart, in the near future, is as weak as it is now.

Get Inspired

2009-10-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

I know you're not a mind-reader. My words may be incomprehensible. I'm just a thinker with trains of thoughts who is not skilled enough to verbalize my logic and reasonings yet.

The Four Letters

2009-10-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

Of extreme ends, it bears the command of death. Love. I can love you so much that I'd die for you, but my love for you hurts so much that I can die. I learned the hard way, perhaps just the longer path, in realizing that love should be unconditional. Since I doubt love, it does not worth as much as stability and peace. But stability and peace will eventually get dull but love is a river valley. Love may worth the ride and pain to encourage teamwork and build a rapport between two raft paddlers.

How do I fight this persistent human need of warm touch and constant attention? Has it become a need for me like how a newborn child? Will I die of lack of human contact like an orphan infant? How do I answer these questions to myself?

I am in the quest of being independent. Can I be completely independent when I am always in dire need of financial assistance and human compassion? I asked for independence, and yet, I am getting loneliness as a deadly consequence for my social-butterfly self.

I am a contradiction. I tease everyone for the closeness they have with their lovers. Could it be just envy a production of my solitary state of mind? I am not as lonely as I may think I am. I have companions. But I choose. I filter. I suffer these decisions I made. Or I am not?

These thoughts shall ponder and be shared.

Student Government SFC Project/Memorial

2009-10-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Give me sexy!

Tammie just kept shooting photos. I kept posing. That works.

Fellow senators getting started on the planting project.

Always room for more pictures.

It was really one hot sunny day. Tough labor but we did it anyway.

Phone tree. Atificially made by Tammie & my phone.

After all the hard work, we had dinner provided.

After the memorial service. With some senators, soldier's father and friends.

A Frat Party

2009-08-31T16:15:00.000-07:00

Why didn't anyone tell me that you don't wear heels for a fraternity or sorority house party? Well it was a party I went to that I am not so proud of. This was the night that the police television show showed up at the house party and we ended up leaving early because it was too crowded. We got a little annoyed being squeezed into the house filled with sweaty bodies. It was a mundane experience being around the fraternity guys and the sorority girls. I totally did not fit in!

One of the Shooting Sessions

2009-08-31T16:14:00.001-07:00

I like to keep myself busy behind the scene.

One of the models.

Shaden on my bike

Stunt Squirrel

2009-08-31T16:10:00.001-07:00

Look what I found in school just chilling on the wall.

Webcam

2009-08-31T16:08:00.001-07:00

Hi! :D

Statement of Intent

2009-08-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm finally sitting myself down to think about what I should include in my statement of intent. I'm already getting anxious to write. This is going to hurt to write about coming to the States from Singapore, the struggle I went through, and pull myself through to this point of life where I am finally going a step closer to success. I have to convince why I'll fit well in UF as a student. I'm going to get through this BS and be done with it. Toodles.

Victoria Beckham!!!!

2009-08-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

I've been so crazy over this woman's confidence and style!! I love her!! I want to be a mom with 3-4 kids and be this beautiful!! I want to share my obsession over her with you!

If she was a doll, I'll put her in the middle of my own shrine of myself I have in my apartment. She's be on a throne or something and I'll feed her grapes and give her foot massage. LOL!

Liz's 80's Themed Party

2009-08-19T10:13:00.001-07:00

1982

2009-08-19T10:02:00.001-07:00

Hanging out with the bestie and she's going to be back today!! Hooray! Finally someone I can harass all day!

Good lord! Someone's giving a finger. And look who's looking retarded!

How ungraceful!

End of 2009

2009-08-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

It's time that I graduate from Santa Fe College and find a new home in another institution to get my Bachelor's for Spring 2010 onwards. Changes in my life is way too rapid at the moment. I know I just found love, moved into my own apartment and went through a whole summer of school charades. Now this. I wish I could take a break but I took a 2-year break when I was in Japan. Annoyance.
But the good news is that I don't have to touch Math ever again. I've fulfilled the two math classes requirement. Next, it will be all my major classes. And the bad news is that I don't know which city I would end up in. I'm hoping Gainesville because I finally have a close network of friends here. I'm very afraid to venture on my own again in a whole new town. Ouh anxiety.
What I need is probably a chill pill and breathe. And watch more FRIENDS sitcom. :D

So, how is everyone?

We Heart our New Apartment

2009-08-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 months since we moved into this apartment but we're still loving it. We chill 24/7 like this all day if I'm not studying or sleeping. LOL!

Nothing to be Afraid of

2009-08-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back. :)

Tum tum tum

2009-07-14T23:43:00.001-07:00

4 hours toward my Big Fat Biology exam... I hear Beethoven tune ringing in my ear. Ouh Avram!

Photos from Phone

2009-07-14T23:31:00.001-07:00

Man down.

Man down Part 2.

Man sad when I go to school every morning or to see his step-dad.

Kids' poem wall pin up I made up within seconds.

My bike locked up in the thai restaurant because I was not sober the night before.

Mocha Martini? Unpleasant.

We peoples save baby squirrel.

Cheekbones protruding yet?

How about suck in my cheeks?

Model House

2009-07-14T23:08:00.001-07:00

I like what I'm seeing. So law school is the way to go maybe?

Views on Prufrock: The Downside (Draft)

2009-07-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

My men-bashing essay I wrote on Summer B 2009 for English literature class. Fun class indeed. Should be studying for my Biology exam but whatever.

I define “The Love of J. Alfred Prufrock” as a tribute to lonely virgin men; I see this poem as a representation of a flaw to Prufrock’s masculinity and confidence. Prufrock, who mirrors his author, is a man who has unaccomplished desires to be with a woman, any woman, to satisfy his sexual needs. Prufrock has all the essence to represent Elliot’s characters, as well as other men like himself, who has severe inferiority complexion issue. Being stuck in a period when women had already began to claim their superiority and control did not help him in his courtship pursuit. On top of that, he lived in England where he was put in an undesired limelight that gave him away as a young American who assimilated himself in the British lifestyle and who tried to fit in the classy “tea and toast” culture.
At 26, in a letter that he wrote to a friend, Aiken, he revealed the hardship of courting women and the shocking truth that he was still a virgin. Therefore, the sad fact that he is not experienced love-making with women would have influenced his way of viewing himself and how he felt exposed. The inspiration made the success of this poem he wrote to himself and people who are very similar to him. While some may find his poem comforting and helping them to feel less insecure about themselves and make them feel alone in this same courtship situation, I find this poem exploiting the unattractive attribute of men’s character and image. No self-respecting women would fall in love with men who are extremely insecure and have no confidence.
Prufrock’s low self-esteem lies behind the images that he uses to represent his weak character and personalities. The image of Polonius signifies the fool he is to allow others to be in control of him. In another words, he is co-dependent on other’s views on him, he is of no high authority and he does not mind being made use of evidently in this quote, “Advise the prince: withal. An easy tool. Deferential, glad to be of use”(114-115).
Even though he is not an authority figure, he feels pushed to the limelight because of his insecurity of his physical attributes, particularly his balding head. His communication skills probably put him in display as he describes, “Sprawling on a pin, when I am pinned and wriggling on the wall”(57-58). The image of an insect pinned to the wall roughly reveals that he is a target, and more than likely a black sheep whom everyone picks on because of his low self-esteem and overtly self-conscious behavior. Like Prufrock, Elliot is in the similar situation whereby being an American in the profound British society made him stand out from the rest.
Prufrock’s and Eliiot’s sense of self-valuing is not in compliment with the brilliant person he is intellectually. The people that Elliot is surrounded by do not fit well with the type of person he is. Somehow, having him as a black sheep in that society is a way of hinting to him that he is unwelcome. Also, it could be a way women do to tell him that he has no open opportunity to date them because they do not find him attractive. The rejection from the people around him influenced his way of behaving around them in probably the most awkward manner that he is being laughed at, and as the result, no one takes him seriously.
He sees himself as a loner and an independent cat, which wanders around and jumps from roof to roof and sleeps alone at the end of the night. He deliberately knows that he is consistently getting old. This misery he infests in himself and the vanishing hope he has for any women to be by his side pulled his confidence down to the bottom of the core of his heart. Ironic will be a word to describe this man who is great with words in his writings, and who should be able to sway and melt any women’s heart instantaneously with his wide vocabulary and charming words. Therefore Elliot and Prufrock are ridiculous to think so low of themselves.
Pruforck is a sad man who acts like a kid who likes a girl but does not tell her. Instead he teases her by pulling her pigtails and kicks her. Somehow he rubs her the wrong way and giving her the wrong signals. It does not work with grown women when he teases the women’s ways in mockery with the mentioning of their tea and toast lifestyle that includes pointless comments on artwork and being involved in countless tea parties. He mocks them of their imperfection: But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!(64). Besides that, he mocks them of their dress codes. Women in his world are like mermaids, the charmers of the sea, whom he is sure would not sing for a man like him.
If I were a mermaid, I would not sing to him either, His negative vibes would drown me, in spite of being a sea creature. His level of confidence is absurd. My life would be as miserable as the woman talked about in “Dover Beach” by Matthew Arnold because of the extensive negativity imparted in his conversations and character. One part of misery is in a ratio of three parts of happiness, therefore, for his thousands of misery would be a hell for me as it is for him.

Works Cited
Elliot, T. S., “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”. The Beford Introduction to Literature. Ed. Michael Meyer. 8th edition. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2008. 1222-1226

Arnold, Matthew, “Dover Beach”. The Beford Introduction to Literature. Ed. Michael Meyer. 8th edition. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2008. 878-879

Hi, Ms Etoria!

2009-04-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Ms Etoria by ~sinnery on deviant ART

The Obliviousness of a Modern Servant Representation

2009-04-14T19:06:00.001-07:00

“Why Should I Be Nice To You Coffee Shops and the Politics of Good Services” by Emily Raine, published online on Bad Subjects website in the editorial page, gives a radical insight of the writer’s comparative experiences as a server. Being a barista has confirmed to be her most unpleasant experience in the service industries; in contrary to her other work experiences at fine dining, cocktail waitressing and hip euro-bistro counter work. In this article, she made astonishing insights of the so-called almost-luxurious branded corporation’s clever ways of concealed marketing strategies, and, exploiting their workers’ individual qualities by controlling and assimilating them into the image of perfection to represent the corporate overall image.

Emily enjoyed every aspect of serving because serving gives her the opportunity to interact with her customer, as it takes about half an hour of interaction each table, which was a pleasurable experience she got from serving. But her experience working at Starbucks as a Barista made a huge turn of an event in her life. As serious and painful of an experience as this could be for her, she made a good twist with sarcasm by using quotes in her article, for instance, quoting the word, nice, to imply how she
felt forced to be nice.

The use of humor through her metaphors, too, has been deliberately added in the article, which molded the uniqueness of her ideology of specialty cafés and fast food outlets. Metaphors like “I felt like an aproned Coke machine” and “The penguin-suited household servant staff” that Raine used in her context marked her style as somewhat serious but the clearly concise images she portrayed, which sparks the humor in a spin. Raine made an impression of her idea of working at the specialty café as an exploitation of worker’s rights. In turn, workers get back at the company by taking time off their paid working hours by having their unassigned personal breaks. As a worker herself, she felt devaluated as a worker when all she did was one task assigned that she repetitively did all throughout the day and interaction with her customer each time was too scarce, which last for about tem seconds. The genuinely casual opening dialogue like “How are you doing today?” may likely be a disapproved thing to do by the company, as that is not the main focus of the company’s purposeful policy. Indulging dialogues would eventually lead on to longer chat that would hold up the line.

Being unhappy about the work system and the lack of humanly interactions, Raine put it out in the open about how she felt like a robot doing everything the company demands of their worker under their supervision and control in terms of dress code, the scripted quotes pasted on the cashier machines to prompt customers, and the closing line with a customer.

To reward the Good Samaritan behaviors of workers, the company offered benefits that can hardly match the needs of any workers who wish to attain full-time schedule in order to receive the benefits. In doing so, the company market itself to a level that makes them look professional and upscale and creates an image that they are the company that cares and have a good bond with their workers. With the great benefits the company has to offer, worker put up with the strict work ethics required of them. In Raines’s opinion, there should be no putting up with the company. She blatantly suggested Baristas to be rude when there is a need to with either customers or the management. There should be tolerance towards the working hierarchy, which the company sets to devaluate its workers indirectly, in order to show a little humanity that a person behind the counter has.

Raine has made this article very useful and she cleverly made awareness about the corporate structure. She may even be able educate readers with the right approach to deal with the worst scenarios in a manner that no one as a human can deny. Faking smiles and gestures are just ways to show genuflect to the hierarchy and reflecting of the image of the past “penguin-suited household servant” that Raine mentioned in the article. She have extensively emphasized on being an individual, not in a rebellious way, but a mindful way whereby one maintains his image to be respected regardless of where he stands in the company. If one thinks that low of you, that is when you get stepped all over regardless of how brilliant of a college student you are wherever you may work at.

Reign, Emily. “Why Should I Be Nice To You? Coffee Shops and the Politics of Good Service” Issue #74 Bad Subjects. December 2005. Reprinted in Faigley, Lester. Writing: A Guide for College and Beyond. NY: Pearson, 2007: 327-334.

The Magician

2009-04-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

He is above all. In spite of the fact that he is a "meany pants" magician, he led me back to the person I knew all along who is me, as a whole. He returned me back to me. That is why he is magic. I'm drinking him whole before he disappears.

Focal Issue: Dissatisfaction.

2009-03-30T00:54:00.000-07:00

I've been residing in Gainesville for about eight months now. What appalled me the most is the very unstable social life I have. Socializing is easily done in clubs for me but it is by far the worst place to find friends(Arghh.. Yes Idiot. *Points self*) that you talk to and hang out with on day-to-day basis. I do try making friends in school but it has not been progressing. I attempted a few times to get involved with school clubs but the meetings are held on the afternoons when I become unavailable because of work commitment. Also, I tried organizing some groups studies with my classmates but having being hit on or annoying me with constant complain about everything didn't work well on me. I do have two good friends at work but they are not where I am mentally. They are there for advises and some fun after work.

The ideal will be some female friends who would be down for study groups during the weekdays, chilling out at the hookah cafe once in a while, hit the clubs and picnics or dinners on the weekends. I do have amazing friends now through Monsieur and himself, but the friendship foundation I have with our circle of friends is interlinked by our relationship. Naturally, relationship is emotional-based. At this point, my emotion is on the climax level where our bonding is in a rapid notion with the spurring physical exploitation in the absence of love. Just the raging infatuation we have for each other. Once this fire is put out, I can imagine how the friendship I have with the friends I made through Monsieur would soon dim its glow, unless I acculture myself to a more liberal way of thinking that would presumably make my life easier, more comfortable and less of a heartache.

So what I am willing to do now is to live on my own and stop looking for friends. I will eventually, I am guessing in some unconscious manner, make good friends out of some people I meet from time to time. Trust me. It gets freakishly lonely when you have no family or girl friends who hang out with you, have slumber party, have margarita and talk all night about the world, art, music, religion, culture and history. For now, it is me, monsieur and his two disciples! If that's not going to last, I hope it'll be around for some good amount of time though! :P

MIA

2009-03-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

I just realized I've gone MIA for so long. I guess I'm back now. I've ended things with Josh very well. We're friends now. At this point, I'm in a transition to a way of life I quite knew but in a whole new way. I'm back to the religion I once loved. I'm back to the familiar idea of a relationship I'm most suited to. I had a great spring break with the significant other and his family at West Palm Beach, Boca Raton, Fort Lauderdale and South Miami. I have been doing pretty well in school. I'm still working at Kindercare. Yey! Kudos to me! It's my seventh month working there. But now, I'm working with the one-year-olds and they are fabulous well-behaved toddlers. Once again, I'm a certified CPR and first aid provider for infants, children and adults. *giggles* I'm going to move into a one-bedroom apartment in May 2009. I'm so looking forward for that!

Well there you go. A whole lot of information for you. Good enough for now. :P

Say No to Negativity Cavity!

2009-01-13T16:47:00.000-08:00

It's been long since I posted something fairly useful to VFS readers. I have a few things to voice out soon and it includes the college culture which I find very unusual, for instance, the shockingly expensive photocopying service and text book-lending among peers appears to be very threatening issue.

Anyway, I received positive responses from some of you and I'd like you to know that I have read them. I don't exactly know what to say. Maybe I'm so happy that I got some of you inspired and motivated. I suddenly became shy about responding to the messages. I guess there is indeed an objective why I'm here. Partly. I might subconsciously have a purpose in the beginning to make a difference to the world, or least, my readers. Soon enough, I hope to voice out to the world. This makes my major in Anthropology soulfully and exceptionally more important for me to complete and get the most out of what I'm learning in school. And, thank you all for the kind words that made me shun away. :P

I can't wait! This life IS a thrill!

I Love This Photo

2009-01-10T09:05:00.001-08:00

Well say hello to Miss Vanity on Happy Pills. I like staring at this photo. Of myself. Haha. Bryan got cut out there. Yeah I like that brown eyes I got. It's edited. So really, my eyes are not that light of a color. I wondered how I'd look with light brown eyes and now I'm in love with myself. Haha!

I refuse to believe that no one stares at themselves in their best photos. :P

Fresh New Start for a Brand New Year

2009-01-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,
I hope you had a blast on new year's eve. Well I did. So I have this new resolution: To curse less. :P My life has rapidly changed over the past few months. I met new people, realized a new meaning in life, discover new perspectives and paradigms of various people I've been hanging out with, attending college and am happy with the job I have now. Kudos to me for staying with the company for five months already. Shocking but good. That is an achievement for me. I'm finally settling in Gainesville nicely and I finally feel accommodated fairly well here.

The beginning of my '09 was a complete chaos but I am so relieved that everything is slowly falling into place. School was the major headache and the purchase of my new Buell Blast bike was a sacrificial financial pain. This is what you'd get too if you walk the talk. It's a great life investment. Life is a business. You invest, you lose something and you gain a lot more for sure for diving into opportunities and new revenues. Millions and millions of discouragement will be nothing but a challenge. So I got what I was persevere to get. But this is not the ending. This is no satisfaction. It's just the beginning now that I'm in school. As a transfer student, I get to graduate hopefully by the end of this year and I will be joining University of Florida next year. I'm so working on it now. This cycle is indeed never ending. This is so exciting!

So what is everyone up to?

:D Vic :P

My Gal Pal!

2008-12-22T08:41:00.001-08:00

Hey world!! I'm happy that I have a gal pal now in Gainesville! :D:D:D:D

Dang am I just too excited over everything. :P

<3

2008-12-22T08:32:00.000-08:00

Ouh Joy December, Baby!

2008-12-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

I can't hold my excitement anymore and would like to share my joy with you guys! I passed my driving test and obtained a driver's license. :) That's the best birthday gift I've ever gotten for myself. By end of the week, I'll be getting a motorcycle endorsement and hopefully will be getting my motorcycle by early January.

Happy holidays, VFS readers. Spread the joy of these holidays!!

Gift of Life

2008-12-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

Little Girl in Pink by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

As I was browsing through Craigslist looking for something I could do for extra cash, I stumbled upon an ad about foster care recruitment. That made me stop from clicking back to the main page. I just had to look into it and there I was at the website. From there, adoptflorida.org caught my eye. And then the faces I saw caught.. me. Still, I can't stop thinking about this whole idea which is probably crazy. Kids range from zero to seventeen years old. There are kids in my center who I am aware being in a foster care. I didn't understand at first. Well I haven't come across this before, knowing someone within my perimeters to be in a foster home. Sure there are a lot of people I know who were adopted but as an infant. But in teen years, however, never. I wonder what that is like. I wonder how strong both adopting parents and teen are to accept changes. I know that pregnant mothers giving up their child chooses the adopting parents. But teens? Who is adopting who? Ok. That'll be a hard match-making there. I imagine how it'll be like for me if I'd want to adopt this kid who has potentials academically and loves to dance like I do and if he/she doesn't like me back because of some personal preferences. Wow. I'd be so heartbroken but still wanting so much to be a part of his/her life and help. Sometimes I know how kids can be so arrogant sometimes and don't like to be helped. Some even got too independent.

Today was a heartfelt day for so many reasons. I don't know. It just struck me that bad because I just got to know one of my kids was born without head bone(LIKE WTF???! I was going to pass out learning about that) but now she's fine. Just down with a few disorders and now in a foster home. Also another, her granny will be adopting her. In addition to that, a foster parent whom I frequently chat with when she picks up her foster kid, sort of inspires me. So far, I know she had taken care of two kids, one after another.

I know I'll be with open arms if any kids need my love, shelter and care. Just one fine day. In the other hand, I'd have to give up some things to gain an addition to my family.

Holiday Brunch 2008

2008-12-07T19:14:00.000-08:00

This was my very first holiday brunch ever. Frankly, I was like a little child touching and in awe looking at all the sweet collections and decorations at Miss Jane's house which was, by the way, an hour away from work or my place. We all had the same question for Miss Jane regarding her daily travel to work. It seems that it is no trouble for most people to drive that far to work. And the best thing about her place is it's by the lake. Ouh the serenity. I had an interesting weekend. I hope you guys did too!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving to my work place for giving me a very long weekend. And a day to be thankful to America for lots of holidays every month possible.

You guys have a great turkey-eating-sleepy day. And for the ones in SIngapore, happy happy lah. Wait for Chinese New Year. Later!

An Interesting Insight

2008-11-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

A paragraph taken from Stephen R. Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

"Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are-or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms**, When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them. But, the demonstration* shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experiences."

**Paradigm is a dimension, perspective, frame of reference or assumption. (For our benefit, I just want some of you to really understand what I'm talking about.)

*Demonstration in the book was 3 very similar photos. One of them is a very different from the other two but pretty similar in a different perspective. What I'm showing you now is one of the two similar photos. I can't find the other two online and I wouldn't mind scanning from the book but I don't feel like doing that.

This is one of my favorite parts in the book. I was quick to find this very amusing, partly because this is a very frequent incident for me. It happens to me a lot. For instance, I lived almost all my life in Singapore, then I moved away and changed. Some people may view me as someone who has forgotten where I came from and who I really am. They'd tell me that I can't runaway from being me. That's another thing very amusing. How about considering me as someone very adaptive and a goal-oriented individual? :P Err. For one thing obviously I'm growing up. Another point I have to make here, people. There's no running away here from myself. I can't stay young, crappy and don't know what to do with her life kind of person. I'm already at a stage weird enough for me, forcing me to blossom into a more responsible working adult. My whining and constant procrastinating can't get me any money to pay my rent, motorcycle, insurances, wedding, house and school. -_- And as for me, I have realized that people have their own paradigms. If we become more aware of our paradigms which are the source of our attitude and behaviors towards things around us and also the most powerful influence, it will affect the way we act towards other people differently and broaden up the spectrum.

This is probably more of a detail explanation of our daily defensive quotes like "They just don't know me that well!", "Fuck them and ignore them all!" or "They're just trying to make you miserable!"

In fact, the barrier between people is, in the layman's term, understanding. Don't you think so too?

I'm too lazy to proof-read this. So. Just to let you know.

All Worries Aside

2008-11-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

As I recall talking to my girlfriends more and more of our daily whines and dissatisfaction, I realized there are so many more important things in life we tend to forget about. For instance, I have a Josh, Ally, Raphael to take care of. On top of that, work issues, health and my studies. Time and time again, I thought my past was a failure. But no, there's no failure. I just keep getting on my feet. I saw myself, as I drowned myself in those thoughts, fighting it and doing it all over again until I get it right. My present now is a result of my past. And my present is a gift wrapped up for my future. I guess I'll never know what's in that future but the result of my future is what I'm doing for the present.

Just to share it with everyone of you, whenever you're feeling down, just know that there are just too many things far more important than that little trouble in our head. If it needs to be fix, try fixing it. Or else, don't worry too much about it. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I constantly find myself tested. One after another, they come to test my faith in me. And I just realized I've gotten through a lot of pain with people saying mean things to me. And I'll still standing here. :) This is a great quote from Fay in her blog,"Believe in Yourself; You're all that you've got." I believe in me. If no one else believes in me, there's nothing I can do to change that or challenge that. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion based on their knowledge. I know more about me than anyone. So why fight that? There's bigger battles to fight. And I got to get me some education! :P

Ah life. It's a thrill.

Nothing Rhymes with "Arrrghhhh!"

2008-11-14T17:39:00.000-08:00

Believe me now when I say I'll get stronger by the second.

Quotes to pull one through in life

2008-11-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

It's already hard enough to be at this best position where we're at now in this long-winding journey. If we just help each other out by encouraging, we would be a mile stone ahead of what we set ourselves to be.

And little reminders for me and also my friends. There'll be times when people do what it takes to hurt you unexpectedly when all you meant to do was to do good in life, just remember this:

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."
-- Margaret Thatcher

And for the ones with the unintended cruel intention, it is nice to be nice sometimes. :) And the quote says:

"We won't always know whose lives we touched and made better for our having cared, because actions can sometimes have unforeseen ramifications. What's important is that you do care and you act."
-- Charlotte Lunsford

Do good deeds in life. And if you have a religion, it's good. They teach you to do good things in life. Don't hate. :)

Something I found comforting..

2008-11-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

"Quote: What goes around comes around. Treat people the same way u want them to treat u. Live life to the fullest. Never do anything and expect a return, always do it full heartedly and then one day the return will be bountyful.

About Me:IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT ON YOUR OWN - I AM FAR FROM PERFECT BUT DEFINITELY A PERFECTIONIST. I AM HARD TO GET CLOSE TO & BELIEVE IT OR NOT I LIKE IT THAT WAY. ONCE I LET YOU IN YOU WILL FIND THAT I AM HARD TO LIVE WITHOUT. I LOVE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH - ESPECIALLY MYSELF. I AM OBSSESED WITH MY FAMILY,FRIENDS,MY HUBBY & FORMOST MYSELF BUT FAR FROM CONCEITED. I AM VERY SARCASTIC BUT SOMETIMES IT'S MISTAKEN FOR ARROGANCE. I HAVE LEARNED THAT I AM MUCH STRONGER THAN I EVER GAVE MYSELF CREDIT FOR. I BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING REALLY DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON. I BELIEVE THAT EVERYBODY HAS A SOUL MATE & I FOUND MINE. I HAVE HIT A FEW BUMPS IN THE ROAD OF LIFE BUT THEY HAVE ALL MADE ME THE PERSON I AM TODAY & I WOULD'NT TRADE ANYTHING I HAVE DONE OR BEEN THROUGH FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, DON'T TALK TO ME, IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I DO, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FACE. OTHER THAN THAT I'M JUST HERE TO LIVE LIFE, HAVE FUN & MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL - NO REGRETS"

I'd like to follow this person's footsteps.

My New Toy: Karaoke Machine

2008-11-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

I thought this is something pretty interesting to show you guys. It's my very own karaoke machine with a build-in screen and an iPod dock which means I could download music and sing along to just any songs including the karaoke version that I can get online of course. I miss Japan and Karaoke so much that Josh got me this machine. It is a great deal for something pretty compact. I hope you guys find this interesting. It's loud enough to have it rock your house parties!

PS Before anyone comments on something about my elbow in video, I'd like to say....Yes, I know I have paint on my elbow from painting my kitchen..

New Set of Songs + Other Favs

2008-11-09T21:21:00.000-08:00

I've recently updated my music playlist. The new ones on the playlist are more of ambient music for inner peace and it is very stimulating. I constantly find myself lost in another unknown little magical forest and me flying. And then... Some sort of futuristic platform with modern creatures. It's always got to do with me flying. That's probably an unachievable desire I yearned as long as I live.

Well enough of my rambling. Enjoy.

Kitchen Make-Over Project (Modified)

2008-11-09T00:43:00.000-08:00

Edited and indicated with "*". Just so that you guys don't get the wrong idea about some things.

Say "hello" to my hideous kitchen and "later" to dear party on this weekend. There's much to do for this kitchen. The walls are way too dull and it just got to get worse with the matching cheap-materialized cabinets and stove. I just started painting two walls by the kitchen bar and it didn't turned out dark brownish-red like what I had in mind. Ouh boy, a disaster. It looks rather purplish than reddish in photos. I'm not satisfied with the semi-gloss texture and I sort of regret not choosing a matte texture instead. I guess I'll live with it and make the best out of it.

Anyway, the theme of the kitchen will be oriental-crossed western. I'm soon getting some herb plants to put by the kitchen window and some stuff to put on the walls to give that oriental feel to it. I feel at my best when I'm surrounded familiar things. *Things that feel very Singapore-like.* Right now, the kitchen feels like instant meals and white sorority-pike pizzas all year round.

Hideous walls. The right side of the photo is the new paint color. Intended to have it brownish red but I'll live with that now.

*Wall decor to bring out the oriental feel and my sweet good morning reminders about life. The one framed is a souvenir Josh got from China. The 3 little wall decor are very important words to keep me going. NOT to indicate I'm 100% Chinese. If possible, sometime soon maybe, I will get something in arabic and sanskrit to complete the holly molly SIngapore feel which will definitely defeat the purpose to make an oriental kitchen style. I guess I'll stick to the Chinese Calligraphy. Wa laa. And ouh wait...... I am still quarter chinese.... Nenek guwe cina. Apa salahku? Bloody hell.*

Temporarily frenching it up a little.

Ouh, for the love of god. My heart aches looking at the gloss. I'm considering doing some lighting set up at the bar to make a positive effect on the walls. Maybe spotlights and a focal point like a painting to divert the eyes away from focuing too much on the ugliness of the semi-gloss.

Reminder to all....! Don't ever buy semi-gloss for your kitchen or anywhere in the house!! It's ugly... :(

Halloween 2008

2008-11-02T10:20:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone had a blast last Halloween. Evidently, I was a little disappointed and upset not being able to give away candies this year. I saw a kid's face at my kitchen window showing how he'd already guessed that I didn't have treats to give away. This is never going to happen again next year. I will be stocking my pantry with candies every October this time.

Here's my halloween costume. I was a scottish girl. It was fun in spite of the aftermath pain I had from wearing heels all night. Photos taken at home before party.

Japan

2008-11-02T10:14:00.000-08:00

I miss Japan.

Oh Joy.

2008-11-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

Room for Respect (Edited)

2008-10-22T20:42:00.001-07:00

I wrote this when I was hungover. Bad bad hangover.

"This is a cluttered caption of my mind. So like always, I'll jump from one point to another. It's great if possess the ability to solve my jigsaw puzzle.

I guess this issue triggered my mind last night when I went out to party last night. I thought it was "healthy" to lose control and dance of my bad vibes. A great free entry night and two dollars for drinks, for sure, I'd never say no. Soon after acq came by to pick me up, we head off for dinner. I swear it was a major heartache to keep a conversation going with him. He was practically inattentive, like my kids in school. I hollered at him every now and then to get his attention. He wanted a night out and have a conversation but he was drifting away. I practically had to keep putting in fuel to get the conversation burning. It seemed to die after every 3-4 sentences and I thought he was the most undesirable man ever and for that moment, I pitied him for too many reasons. Soon we came up with politics and he seemed to have confused me but I've got Shane and Josh explain to me about that part and to sum up, he didn't make his point clear or don't really know what's going on. Obama's democrat and Mccain's republican. Done. I hope people here know who they are voting for and know that there is a HUGE difference between those two people and what they are standing up for.

Anyway, as I said before, acq is the most undesirable man on earth. Does not listen, uninteresting, dead-end job, have no aims in life and no great conversationist. And what ironically it seemed to me that Mr. Undesirable started taking an interest in me when he had to drop by his apartment (it was pretty near so..) to change into a another sweater to match my outfit so that we looked like we were going to the club together. He complimented me for my erm.. lips. That was not so bad. But later, he showed me his HIV test showing he was clean. Now the question is.... WHY????????? I was about to burst out into laughter but I had to keep familiar people around me for the night because it still feels weird to go out on my own around here, so I thought I shouldn't offend him at all... Yet. Also, I don't know him well enough to know his sensitivity level. Who knows what will happen to me if I have offended him.

Then, after too much to drink, I started losing control of my body but I was still very aware of my environment. Absolute consciousness. Josh was on standby always to pick me up. Angel, my friend, was there and I was so glad for his presence and always looking out for me. He waited with me at the sidewalk for Josh's royal arrival. I remembered clearly being way out of control. Felt like some temporary muscle-handicap. Mr Undesirable sat with us and kept insisting to have me taken care of and that I could crash at his place and Angel told him that I was getting a ride from Josh. Mr U kept on and on at it that he could take me. I thought Mr U was definitely retarded and desperate. It was funny that I finally saw what Josh has been talking about. An obvious example of a typical desperate man who targets on knocked up woman and date-rape her. I still felt sorry for him. Angel thought he was a creep and we already knew he was some guy who would date-rape a woman. It was a pretty hilarious experience.

Ouh, to add, before I alerted Josh to pick me up, I was down on the floor drinking lots of ice water. Mr U asked if I wanted to get some air outside or leave the club and do something instead at his place. And then he suggested we should listen to his very american selection of uninspiring music. My god, woman, please.

I guess I'm saying some men out there need to learn to be more respectful. I do feel woman's value has been damned to just cents. Maybe it's the way we portray ourselves somehow and I guess it's a little our fault to be dressing up naughty and indecent. Maybe sometimes with our panties or butt-crack sticking out of our pants or skirts. Sometimes it's a nice thing for us girls to know men do take notice of us respectfully of our assets and how we look in our dresses. But it's never nice to know up to the extend of how men already have it in their heads that they could score us and then label us the little sluts they hooked up with and tally us to their magic number. Scoring is definitely one thing nice for you men.... Goodness. But take a moment to think about the diseases you may get infected with just hooking up with random people. Well maybe it's just me. I'm just extremely monogamous. I do worry about these certain things like I thought for sure if someone is so hot and easy to get and if she or he just willingly hooks up with you, don't you think she or he has been going around being easy to get with everyone else? Think about how many different people they've been physically in contact with. These two years I've been contented with just Josh and I do have a really great time with him. My life now is not the end. I don't desire anymore sweaty filthy men. How do you guys out there feel about sleeping around? My goodness, men have been throwing on us women more than ever. I've always thought it was the other way round. Well thank you so much for the offer, people, but no. If I can respect your choice to hook up with just anyone, respect mine. I'll show you a good time on the dance floor but trying to bring me home as your candy treat after no effort in partying but just watching us girls dancing, not being a good conversationist and pushing your chance is never going to do anything for you. It's creepy. Even if we have a great time at the dance floor, it's Josh's arms I'll be returning to.

Ouh this one. Please stop telling me that you hooked up with more than 45 women a year. That's a man slut for sure. This is no longer the 19th century and no use calling women you hook up with bitches and getting away with your man slut title. I sure pity the future woman you end up spending the rest of your life with, or even better, you' might just spend the rest of your life an old bachelor which is definitely on the bottom list after murderers. If you don't believe in karma, good for you. But there is such thing as things would be getting into your way of whoring fun with that list of women condemning you for what you did or say about them. That bad condemning energy is good enough to fight its way to get you. Yes, I hope.

Good night, world."

Another Great Weekend

2008-10-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

I finally got on my feet after recovering from my fatigues. And here comes madness!

Face-painted!

2008-10-13T14:26:00.001-07:00

Limo Ride

2008-10-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dream of riding on Limousine? Well, you can over here in Gainesville, including some other cities.

Apparently, I got on a free ride with an uprising Rapper and his family from a town few hours away from Gainesville. I haven't got details about this rapper but from the music I heard playing in the limo and if it was really his, it was pretty good and groovy. If it wasn't for my friend, Lance, who came up with the crazy idea of getting a free ride by chasing them down the street and show them that we were "cool", I wouldn't have gotten this weird(but great!) experience.

Photos courtesy of Lance Legel, our future astronomer. Best he can get captured on a phone camera.

Law of Cause and Consequence/Effect

2008-10-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

"Karma.. is the concept of "action" or "deed" which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect.. All living creatures are responsible for their karma — their actions and the effects of their actions —.. Basically, what one does in the past affects one's future: performing good deeds will result in good effects and performing bad deeds will result in bad effects." -Bits and pieces taken from Wikipedia

My past few days was a misconception of reckless honesty and speaking my mind out. Shall I learn and remember of this day of a tiny pin stuck deep in my skin.

Updates

2008-09-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

Just to make things a little clearer for you peeps. I'm now working in a childcare center as a teacher for the school-aged kids. My job is to run the few programs which help greatly on character-building, enhancing skills and talents, self-esteem boosting, social skills and more. I absolutely love what I do and I support greatly of the programs set up for the kids. My class can be up to 25 kids but thankfully there's only about 17 kids enrolled in my class. These kids range from five to ten.

Last week, I worked hard to gain a lot of respect from these kids. And I promise it's inevitably hard to gain that respect. I've already observed some things I could work on for each individual kids to enhance and improve. It's madness to concentrate on both as a whole class and as individuals.

Only thing that's a little of a problem is communications with the parents. So I'm going ahead to try on letters every now and then to all parents, and portfolio to show the progress of each kid.

In a few months time, I hope this will get easier on me.

If anyone is experienced at this or have some suggestions, go ahead and comment or email me.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

The Previous Post

2008-09-28T14:50:00.001-07:00

I was obviously thinking with my heart and let my emotions take over the mind. Dang the drama.

Holiday Seasons for All... Or not?

2008-09-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

I was called in to talk to my director about a concerned parent not wanting her child to have anything to do with the upcoming holiday, Halloween, because of religious views about the holiday.

My opinion is no matter what, this kid is going to see other kids in his neighbourhood going from door to door asking for trick or treats and feel left out. Or, when he grows up and goes for parties, there's no way to escape Halloween parties where everyone starts being extremely creative with a big excuse to walk around the street portraying the image of a character they can't be on their normal days. It's just... Fun! One can observe this holiday not as a religious holiday, just as how christmas has become somehow. It's just a great general holiday like Labour Day or Martin Luther King Day, but just of fun for kids and adults. I find it also a way to go door to door and get to know our neighbours and it's not at all inappropriate.

My point is I hate seeing a kid missing out a day of fun. I planned to introduce other holidays and cultures but now I have to be wary of the sensitivity of religious views. This school is so unlike Japan's Youth Center. :( I remembered all of us were so diverse but we still do what we can to make things fun........... In the center, religion's got nothing to do with anything in the school.

:(:(

Boutique!

2008-09-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

Here's last Saturday. Thanks to Angel for taking most of the photos. I'm glad I made more friends up here in Gainesville and I'm so looking forward to networking with more people here.

Communicate Me

2008-09-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

How do you express your love?
Is it by your body language
Or do you whisper it to her
Is it okay if I assume you'd know
Would you know or,
Would you think I don't
Do you need me to caress you
To show you that I love you
Or would you get the wrong idea
That I'm only for your physical
Would you think I'm using you
Am I using you?
Do you feel used?
Would you ask me if I am?
Or maybe do you like feeling used?
Is it a thrill?
Would you tell me?
Do you need me to tell you what you need to hear?
Or would you rather hear my truth?
Would you ever assume what I feel?
Would you misunderstand me, baby?

Communicate me, lass.

One Intense Weekend..

2008-09-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Partying!

Friday Night: 101, Sharab (Trance)
Saturday Noon: HUGE pool party like how you would have seen in MTV Summer Beach Parties
Saturday Night: Crog (Hiphop/R&B), 101

Sadly, I couldn't bring my D70 for all these parties. I was too excited and having too much fun I don't think I'd end up taking photos. And finally, a laid back Friday to chill in this sauna house. Ouh well, the air-conditioner's broken down. Yet another tragedy in this new house after the fridge fungi raid and washer refusing to drain water out drama.

Life's starting to put itself together now that I've gotten a job at the Kindercare Learning Center that I've been wanting so bad. Traveling is still a little of an issue. Let's face it now: Owning a vehicle is a must. And I started having a lot more motivation now that Josh has no choice but to support my idea of getting a motorcycle, or we call it "crotch rocket", instead of getting whatever cars which definitely I'm never going to be interested in.

Hopefully in a month, I'll be driving and that's another problem solved. :D

I hope you guys had a blast on your weekend!

My Batgirl

2008-09-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

:D:D

Blog Feature

2008-09-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'd like to introduce to the VFS.blog readers a very insightful blog by Christine Reid.

Although this is a fairly new blog, her recent post have proven to be a popular discussion. Do join us there to talk about different issues. Recent post is a discussion about World of Warcraft. If you have anything to oppose or stand for, go ahead and post your say as a comment to the blog posting.

I have commented her and I'll have it here as well for you to see how interesting it got for me. To understand what I've said below, go ahead to Christine's blog and comment. She is now also under "Victoria's Hangouts" on the sidebar of this blog for your convenience.

"Okay. I have a jumbled up thoughts. So pardon me if it rather sounds confusing.

I sensed a good balance of the positive and negative points.

First, the good news to the parents whose kids rather stay home after school to play WoW: You don't have to worry about your kids' whereabouts. And it's up to the parents to schedule their kids' after-school time. My idea would be awarding my kids to play after they're done with their homework and let them get on it for a few hours before dinner at 6 pm. Classic.

For the working class, I've seen a lot who has the online world as a getaway from reality, work or stress. It's like a "thing". Sure it's a lifestyle to most. I guess it's better to have gaming lifestyle than to be associated with the illegal lifestyle like drugs, gang fights or too much partying and boozes. I'd say gamers saves a lot from spending. I'm sure some gamers party, but not as hard as the party animals who have input partying as a lifestyle. Why am I so sure about that? Well... Didn't I just said gamers got their gaming lifestyle? Yes, they spend most of their time on their games.

Here, I'm not only addressing just Wow, but also other gaming platforms. Each and every games tests different skills and even knowledge.

One just has to know how to manage their time. Well hygiene issues? Social? That's like almost none of our business. Don't forget that there are so many different kind of people and personalities. So what if they don't have a real life? Even in the real world, we have jobs that require absolute NO socializing or any team players. I bet people have the initiatives to make a difference in their lives if they know of something they're lacking of. Say, you don't like to communicate, take a job suits you well. If one needs to work somewhere that requires a better communications, take a course or a character-building guidebook. Life doesn't hang on what a gamer enjoys doing most of his life.

If really someone's that addicted to a game, maybe they need help maybe they don't. It's like how Einstein was so addicted to something so boring like his compass his dad gave to him. So maybe this gamer is a gaming genius. Maybe this gamer one day can make a difference to the gamers' world.

I can just go on and on about this. My point is there's always the good and bad depending on how one decides to balance it or just tip the balance to make one's life just a plain thrill. :D" -

Home Home!

2008-09-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

Raphael's Proudest Tricks!

We're trying to take a video of that squirrel at our backyard!

No!! It's getting away!

The Condo

2008-08-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Josh's dad had the fence fixed and Josh had Raphael's name and the little teddy bears fixed. :D It's Raphael's house since Ally sleeps on the bed with us but both of them use the condo anyway.

One Down, More to Go

2008-08-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

The pain of settling in. We finally got a house the three of us agree to. Shane, Josh and me. Shane's a cousin of Josh's. We're officially moving to Gainesville in Florida. Like some people would, I'd slave myself to work in any places before I find a job in children's education field. Six of us will be residing in this beautiful neighbourhood, mostly occupied by graduate students of University of Florida. Ouh yes, six. That includes us humans, two dogs and a cat. Our home will be glorified by the presence of Rachele, Shane's girlfriend, for sure! Ouh fun!

And yes. Life is beautiful and a heartache.

Yes, I did some retouch on the signs if the photo seems weird to you.

Blu Sushi

2008-08-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

Josh, Brittany and I went to this sushi restaurant. I was all eager and speaking japanese to the chefs thinking they know a little of the language since they work there, but no.... They do not even have a slight idea what I said. 0_0 Not even keen to learn a little. The concept of the restaurant interior is rather way contemporary for a sushi restaurant. I'd say the style would be perfect for a fancy vogue bar. I could see the similarity in the interior style in the restaurant to the new clubs in Singapore. I enjoyed the perfect interior and food they offer. Pretty high-class look for a small town.

Overall experience, I'd say 2 out of 5. Restaurant theme is not in tune with the great food experience. The great food served in a plate of two is overpriced. You got to be kidding me you're charging like about seven dollars for those.

Anyway, I'm looking forward for a japanese restaurant that reminds me solely of Japan, my previous home.

This Summer's Featured: The Artist, Jim Foutch

2008-08-22T17:26:00.001-07:00

I feel so honored to have my photograph drawn and pastel-colored by Mr Foutch, a rather nurturing artist, who devotes himself in teaching art at Labelle High School. I finally met him on Brittany's school's Open House yesterday. Now if you walk into his art class, you'll see my picture on one of the walls right beside the joker and a fairy kid. Thank you so much, Mr Foutch! I'm glad you see something great in my photography works. I deeply appreciate you giving me the original paste-colored drawing of me. It's going on my wall in a frame soon! Thank you! Thank you!

Right now, Brittany is working on another photo I took of myself. It's pretty exciting wondering how it's going to turn out!

Original:

beholder's eyes by ~sinnery on deviant ART

Four Days after Fay Day

2008-08-22T16:28:00.001-07:00

Fay is the name of a hurricane that just went across Southwest of Florida last Tuesday. She was pretty strong and went madness. But there's always beauty behind her rage.

She gave us something beautiful to see outside our bedroom.

Vic's New Groove!

2008-08-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ride a ranger? We did. It was pretty cool when you're all dressed up and people see you walking out of the ranger. I'm so out of place. :P

Black Jack ||

2008-08-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hello future 2-years companion!!! I can't wait to see you, hold you and tickle you!!!!!

Smiths on the move in life

2008-08-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

Josh is finally coming home. Finally, life seems to come together with him and all the other little things we're trying to do to get settled and start living. Just living feels sufficient now. A home with mister, the pup and the kitty. This is the family I live for.

Ouh Women..

2008-08-08T10:28:00.006-07:00

Men are sick to think that this is a turn on.

I hope someday, more women will realize that it's useless to go against our own gender. We're all on the same team if you've never notice that. The world will never be perfect but it'll make a difference to show a little more respect to other women. We're the victims of pathetic emotions and some of the emotionally-retarded men.

It scarred me too much seeing most pathetic women cat fights over men, who is prettier than who and then who's more bitchier than who. In the eyes of men, we're all bitches. -_-

(Kamu mau lady-like? Otaklu lah kamu. Dream on if you're that mean of a person with busuk hati.)

Taken from Yalena's blog:

We Were Born Guilty

I was born guilty,
guilty of being a woman,
guilty to the eyes of men,
guilty to the eyes of other women.

I was born a woman,
to love with all my heart,
to give more than what i can,
to care for everyone,
to give life.

I am guilty to the eyes of men,
for being what they can't have,
for being inferior to their eyes,
for being able to expect more of myself,
for being more than what we used to be.

I am guilty to other women,
for their son to love me,
for their husband to look at me,
for not being what they want me to be,
for being another woman.

We were born guilty,
because men made us this way,
because men digraced us from the beginning,
because men know we are capable of more,
because men can not accept competition,
because men created society and,
society made us guilty,
guilty of being born a woman.

What? What am I doing here in the States?

2008-08-06T19:40:00.003-07:00

I'm babysitting. Haha! Dream job in the States ay.

I'll be applying for job as substitute teacher, will go through night class training and observing a class.

1 How do I get this job? My in-law is a teacher. And her co-workers recommended that I should be part of this.

2 Why do I want to do this? My dream is to be a college faculty.

3 What about photography? I'm finishing my last bit of my course still and attain my degree. No harm no fowl in doing something I love.

4 So what's my career path like? A college faculty who teaches photography on the side and displays her work in exhibitions. I still love to interact and do work to dedicate them to people who enjoys my photography and expand my passion. There sure are more than the lens can see.

5 So... Am I just babysitting? No. I'm forced to take driver's license because this country lacks of public transports that Singapore and Japan have. Also, I'm forced to wait for my green card and social security.

6 How do you get to stay there? Err... Apply lor. And wait and spend all you earn for this. And I'll have a wedding in a few years to come. I'll raise my kids here too. Maybe I have to raise Shaz here too.

Big dreams ey? It won't be if I keep dreaming and not work on it.

Thoughts on Blogs

2008-08-06T16:29:00.005-07:00

I have read a few of my very very gorgeous friends' blogs this morning and I got pretty upset seeing all the envious remarks on their shout-out. It's a pity how these girls have to put up with those. There are arguments over the fans and the haters about simple things. Like.. "Ouh she's a poser," and "Let her be." If I were to react very impulsively, I'd probably start with the backward society in Singapore and probably anywhere else in the world but more to Singapore because I grew up there. Ridiculous little things like location or status of a person could affect or make someone so envious of another. I'm sure a lot of us were brought up as Christians, Buddhist, Muslims, etc. I'm sure we all know one of the commandments: Don't envy. I can speak more for Christianity and Muslims because I went to Mosque and still going to the church for more religion and culture researches on my pastime.

Well there is a reason why being envious is so bad. It poisons your heart! Somehow, human hearts get poisoned by a lot other things but why envy? Why bother? Don't anyone ever think anything good about you? Not even a single thing about you? Well if there's nothing good about you, dude, you have a serious problem. You don't have to pray like a horse to purify your heart but look into yourself and find your strength. Instead if pin-pointing others problem and rudely insult them, use it as a good example to avoid or amend your ways.

So what if you think someone's so pretty and you're all disgusted because of the flesh they're showing? Note that to yourself. If you're really envying how beautiful she is, then start working out! There are a lot of beauty tips online. Research and get yourself all shaped up. If you're really unhappy about pretty girls being all pretty and confident, then work on your self-esteem.

If these pretty and confident girls are really bothering you, then hey, you can channel your focus to something that you're good at. Embrace yourself. Beauty IS within. Whatever beauty there is IN you portrays you on the outside.

Girls, save yourself. Get!

I recommend all girls to watch this movie. No matter what, be who you are. We're all beautiful creation.. This is the start of the movie. I love her confidence! Plus her great voice!

Smith's Little Rawkstar

2008-08-05T11:42:00.001-07:00

Brittany M. Smith. How old is she? Too young to date you. ;P

Sister 2 by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

Family Reunion

2008-08-05T07:13:00.005-07:00

August 3rd, 2008, at Venus, Florida.

For more photos taken by me for this event, log on here to view them. Enjoy!

Little Girl in Pink

2008-08-04T12:39:00.002-07:00

My favourite photo so far. I'm very sure that I can relate to this photo because of my childhood. There's always a lullaby ringing in my ear when I stare into this photo.

Little Girl in Pink by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

Home

2008-08-04T12:15:00.001-07:00

That one gloomy day I fell in love so hard it shoots excitement up my body.. That powerful feeling. I want to remember this.

One Lovely Gloomy Day by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

Sister

2008-08-04T12:00:00.001-07:00

Brittany M. Smith
And if you're a guy above 18, steer clear. By orders of Mrs. Smith.

Sister by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

I'm Back!

2008-08-03T18:32:00.002-07:00

Hey you guys! I hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been in Florida for two week now and got my computer few days ago. My eyesight unfortunately has gone very bad assuringly after my flight from Japan to Tampa, Florida. I took a lot of photos here in Florida but I'll put them up after I get my glasses and really see details on the photos. Yes, I did wear glasses back in high school but it wasn't that bad and it was pretty easy to assume and know what things were around me. You know when you're seeing the same things or words again and again, you pretty much can make something out of it. Ok. Crap sight. I really enjoy sleeping a lot more than looking around me. This gives me a headache.

Later, peeps!

Off-Computer

2008-07-17T21:11:00.002-07:00

Hey you guys!

Tomorrow's my flight so everything is going to be packed including my iMac. I'll be mailing my computer to the States so I'll only receive it in a week's time. I'll try to log on as much as I can from family's computer maybe and respond to your emails and chats as soon as I can.

So yes, keep the emails, messages and chats coming in. Keep me busy. So do drop by VFS.blog every now and then to check for updates.

Godspeed.

Goodbyes

2008-07-17T05:25:00.002-07:00

For all friends in Japan:

I'm not great at organizing my own party. The groups of friends I have are extremely diverse and it's pretty hard to get everyone together to see for the last time. If I haven't said this, here it is. Thank you for your friendship. A lot of things over the two years here made my life change forever and it wouldn't be easy without you. Thanks for being by my side. If we didn't get to meet before I leave, that's not the end and that's not how it's supposed to be. I'll be seeing you in the future. I'd like to. I'm never great with goodbyes so if you see me around, please don't say goodbye. How about.. I'll catch ya later? :)

Two years living in Japan has been wonderful. Long enough. It's time to fly, all.

Updates

2008-07-17T04:17:00.004-07:00

Hi guys!!

Tomorrow is my final full day in Japan. I'm so so so excited. So are Ally and Raphael. Can't wait to join the family. Anyway, I've been up and about looking for jobs in Fort Myers and if any big shot peeps out there, hear this... "I want you to hire me!!!" I replied to two job ads, one replied and the other no response yet. So I'm just going to keep on looking for a job. For now, I'm not going too far from Labelle or Fort Myers. I figure it'll be too overwhelming to start somewhere too far from my family as the experience being in Japan was just too much but I survived anyway. Being alone, just me and Josh. That's got to be some grown up thing ay. :P

For a start, I'll be helping granny babysit the kids, spend time with little sister, Britt, and hopefully I could do some voluntary work at an elementary school. Words can't describe how happy I am to be blessed with a new great family that I've been warmly welcomed into. *floats in the air*

So what have you peeps been up to?

@ Rock City Bar

2008-07-16T19:37:00.002-07:00

.. And not drinking by the way. My buddy, Francis, and Candice. Also some extras on the background drooling at any girls they see I bet.

@ TGI Friday's

2008-07-16T19:19:00.003-07:00

With our japanese buddies!

Raphael's Bed

2008-07-15T23:33:00.002-07:00

Sleepy little man.

Click on the photo to enlarge and have a closer look at his sexy eyes.

The Multi-Nationals Met For Yakiniku

2008-07-15T23:22:00.005-07:00

The japanese, the peruvian, the singaporeans and the american nationals. We attempted to eat as much as our weights but way no way we were too full!

Last Visit to the Vet Clinic in Japan

2008-07-15T23:13:00.003-07:00

We finally obtained Raphael's and Ally's health certificate and rabies vaccination records. Now the kids are all set. Checked!

Little Kitty Hideout

2008-07-15T22:28:00.004-07:00

When she's guilty of something that she has done..

Flight and Life Updates

2008-07-14T09:40:00.003-07:00

Departing from Tokyo at 6:30pm on July 19th, 2008. Arriving Fort Myers, FL at 9:34pm on July 19th, 2008. Total of 14 hours flight. Traveling with Ally and Raphael.

Song of the night: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
Message: You hurt me!!! GRRRH!

But... It's not the end of the world because....

I'm finally coming home.

I'm finally having a family.

The mom, the dad, the sister, the grannies, the papa, the nephew and the cousins. ^_^

Big News!

2008-07-12T00:17:00.006-07:00

Hey guys,

I'm checking in to tell everyone that I'm flying to Fort Myers, Florida, this coming Thursday, July 17th, 2008. I'll be very busy for the next few days for sure with all the undesirable goodbyes (Hate this part..), packing and sending packages of clothes and stuff. I'll be having Raphael as a carry-on and Ally will be in kennel as a checked bag. So there is no way they'd let me have a luggage or a bag pack, but of course, with additional charges. So no no. I've never done this before and I have got to say that it was a lot of hard work, research and calls to make before I eventually have them included in my itinerary. Usually at this time of the year, summer, it's almost impossible to have with pet in a plane because of the extreme hot weather. So what I did was to find a date which would be a possibility to be a rainy day. Well I kept on eye on the weather forecast and I'm hoping that 17th is good. Also, it helps to get a late evening or morning plane with the cool grounds.. err.. where the airplanes are parked at?! Eh.

So if my whole plan works, I'll have it shared with you here.

So enough about me. How have you been?

Nate, a guy I met at the bar. His goodbye party. I can't do this for mine though. Laughter and drunkenness doesn't go with my kind of goodbye. I think. I put this photo up just because I look nice in this, :D:D

Hey Y'all!

2008-07-07T16:30:00.002-07:00

So how's everyone's weekend? Mine was wee bit of a snooze fest in Roppongi. A little weird to have that said because I've always enjoyed nightlife in Tokyo. How's work? A little tiff went off too crazy last Sunday. What's the fun of not having a climax at work once in a while, ay?

Enough of that staged life. What's going to be new in VFS.blog? That's a brilliant question! I have yet to execute my ideas I have in mind. So stick around.

About me going to the States, man, I've stopped relying on hopes. I'm just waiting to have the visa sent to my doorstep. There's no telling when though. Right now, I'm just enjoying company of random people and my family. Raphael and Ally have been so sweet lately. Both of them laid by me the whole time I was drowned in my 24 hours sleep last two nights. That was a personal breaking sleeping record. I do realized that it is not worth it to be mad at people but I just believe I should stand up for myself before they start stepping on my head. Humans has a thing for taking advantage of anything they can get a hold of. Not on me though. Never. It's crazy to have this frustration over being here in Japan and being where I don't want to be. It's crazy to have these thoughts running over in my head like a "Repeat All" videotape. I guess it all led to an oversleeping nightmare. Well thank goodness I'm a full-time employee with 3-4 days of work ironically that I could spend most of my time sleeping all day.

The world is trying on us. Either these overwhelming constant challenges kill you, or makes you stronger. Doesn't matter what path you choose, you'll have to face them. Often, they killed me. Somehow, I was forced to stay alive and longer..

Remember Me This Way

2008-07-03T10:19:00.008-07:00

This is for the ones whose friends have to go and for the friends who have to leave the ones behind. Friends forever. In the presence of the black blanket of stars, I promise you, friends forever.

Bijou

2008-07-01T17:59:00.004-07:00

"Women are like diamonds. They are gorgeous. One wrong move, they'd cut you better than any knives or pieces of glass would."

Untitled 18 by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART

Meet Tomomi. She's about 6' feet tall and an ex-model.
I intend to have this and the next few series of photo shoots with Tomomi to be vogue, tasteful and respectful. Just the way how we women, our image, should be portrayed. More of her photos coming up..

Titanic Song?!

2008-07-01T11:56:00.005-07:00

Here's how one would be when she can't handle her high (Not implying to drugs of course). What a song to sing...?! Enjoy.

Ahoy!

2008-06-30T14:06:00.002-07:00

Inspired by Christina Aguilera's Candyman song.

Sailgirl by ~victoriasmith on deviant ART