My Very Hard Work

Design by Stephen Bushoven.

The Magician

He is above all. In spite of the fact that he is a "meany pants" magician, he led me back to the person I knew all along who is me, as a whole. He returned me back to me. That is why he is magic. I'm drinking him whole before he disappears.

Focal Issue: Dissatisfaction.

I've been residing in Gainesville for about eight months now. What appalled me the most is the very unstable social life I have. Socializing is easily done in clubs for me but it is by far the worst place to find friends(Arghh.. Yes Idiot. *Points self*) that you talk to and hang out with on day-to-day basis. I do try making friends in school but it has not been progressing. I attempted a few times to get involved with school clubs but the meetings are held on the afternoons when I become unavailable because of work commitment. Also, I tried organizing some groups studies with my classmates but having being hit on or annoying me with constant complain about everything didn't work well on me. I do have two good friends at work but they are not where I am mentally. They are there for advises and some fun after work.

The ideal will be some female friends who would be down for study groups during the weekdays, chilling out at the hookah cafe once in a while, hit the clubs and picnics or dinners on the weekends. I do have amazing friends now through Monsieur and himself, but the friendship foundation I have with our circle of friends is interlinked by our relationship. Naturally, relationship is emotional-based. At this point, my emotion is on the climax level where our bonding is in a rapid notion with the spurring physical exploitation in the absence of love. Just the raging infatuation we have for each other. Once this fire is put out, I can imagine how the friendship I have with the friends I made through Monsieur would soon dim its glow, unless I acculture myself to a more liberal way of thinking that would presumably make my life easier, more comfortable and less of a heartache.

So what I am willing to do now is to live on my own and stop looking for friends. I will eventually, I am guessing in some unconscious manner, make good friends out of some people I meet from time to time. Trust me. It gets freakishly lonely when you have no family or girl friends who hang out with you, have slumber party, have margarita and talk all night about the world, art, music, religion, culture and history. For now, it is me, monsieur and his two disciples! If that's not going to last, I hope it'll be around for some good amount of time though! :P

Gift of Life

Little Girl in Pink by ~victoriasmith on deviantART


As I was browsing through Craigslist looking for something I could do for extra cash, I stumbled upon an ad about foster care recruitment. That made me stop from clicking back to the main page. I just had to look into it and there I was at the website. From there, adoptflorida.org caught my eye. And then the faces I saw caught.. me. Still, I can't stop thinking about this whole idea which is probably crazy. Kids range from zero to seventeen years old. There are kids in my center who I am aware being in a foster care. I didn't understand at first. Well I haven't come across this before, knowing someone within my perimeters to be in a foster home. Sure there are a lot of people I know who were adopted but as an infant. But in teen years, however, never. I wonder what that is like. I wonder how strong both adopting parents and teen are to accept changes. I know that pregnant mothers giving up their child chooses the adopting parents. But teens? Who is adopting who? Ok. That'll be a hard match-making there. I imagine how it'll be like for me if I'd want to adopt this kid who has potentials academically and loves to dance like I do and if he/she doesn't like me back because of some personal preferences. Wow. I'd be so heartbroken but still wanting so much to be a part of his/her life and help. Sometimes I know how kids can be so arrogant sometimes and don't like to be helped. Some even got too independent.

Today was a heartfelt day for so many reasons. I don't know. It just struck me that bad because I just got to know one of my kids was born without head bone(LIKE WTF???! I was going to pass out learning about that) but now she's fine. Just down with a few disorders and now in a foster home. Also another, her granny will be adopting her. In addition to that, a foster parent whom I frequently chat with when she picks up her foster kid, sort of inspires me. So far, I know she had taken care of two kids, one after another.

I know I'll be with open arms if any kids need my love, shelter and care. Just one fine day. In the other hand, I'd have to give up some things to gain an addition to my family.

Kitchen Make-Over Project (Modified)

Edited and indicated with "*". Just so that you guys don't get the wrong idea about some things.

Say "hello" to my hideous kitchen and "later" to dear party on this weekend. There's much to do for this kitchen. The walls are way too dull and it just got to get worse with the matching cheap-materialized cabinets and stove. I just started painting two walls by the kitchen bar and it didn't turned out dark brownish-red like what I had in mind. Ouh boy, a disaster. It looks rather purplish than reddish in photos. I'm not satisfied with the semi-gloss texture and I sort of regret not choosing a matte texture instead. I guess I'll live with it and make the best out of it.

Anyway, the theme of the kitchen will be oriental-crossed western. I'm soon getting some herb plants to put by the kitchen window and some stuff to put on the walls to give that oriental feel to it. I feel at my best when I'm surrounded familiar things. *Things that feel very Singapore-like.* Right now, the kitchen feels like instant meals and white sorority-pike pizzas all year round.

Hideous walls. The right side of the photo is the new paint color. Intended to have it brownish red but I'll live with that now.


*Wall decor to bring out the oriental feel and my sweet good morning reminders about life. The one framed is a souvenir Josh got from China. The 3 little wall decor are very important words to keep me going. NOT to indicate I'm 100% Chinese. If possible, sometime soon maybe, I will get something in arabic and sanskrit to complete the holly molly SIngapore feel which will definitely defeat the purpose to make an oriental kitchen style. I guess I'll stick to the Chinese Calligraphy. Wa laa. And ouh wait...... I am still quarter chinese.... Nenek guwe cina. Apa salahku? Bloody hell.*


Temporarily frenching it up a little.


Ouh, for the love of god. My heart aches looking at the gloss. I'm considering doing some lighting set up at the bar to make a positive effect on the walls. Maybe spotlights and a focal point like a painting to divert the eyes away from focuing too much on the ugliness of the semi-gloss.


Reminder to all....! Don't ever buy semi-gloss for your kitchen or anywhere in the house!! It's ugly... :(

Another Great Weekend

I finally got on my feet after recovering from my fatigues. And here comes madness!

Face-painted!

The Previous Post

I was obviously thinking with my heart and let my emotions take over the mind. Dang the drama.

Holiday Seasons for All... Or not?

I was called in to talk to my director about a concerned parent not wanting her child to have anything to do with the upcoming holiday, Halloween, because of religious views about the holiday.

My opinion is no matter what, this kid is going to see other kids in his neighbourhood going from door to door asking for trick or treats and feel left out. Or, when he grows up and goes for parties, there's no way to escape Halloween parties where everyone starts being extremely creative with a big excuse to walk around the street portraying the image of a character they can't be on their normal days. It's just... Fun! One can observe this holiday not as a religious holiday, just as how christmas has become somehow. It's just a great general holiday like Labour Day or Martin Luther King Day, but just of fun for kids and adults. I find it also a way to go door to door and get to know our neighbours and it's not at all inappropriate.

My point is I hate seeing a kid missing out a day of fun. I planned to introduce other holidays and cultures but now I have to be wary of the sensitivity of religious views. This school is so unlike Japan's Youth Center. :( I remembered all of us were so diverse but we still do what we can to make things fun........... In the center, religion's got nothing to do with anything in the school.

:(:(

Home Home!

Raphael's Proudest Tricks!



We're trying to take a video of that squirrel at our backyard!



No!! It's getting away!

The Condo

Josh's dad had the fence fixed and Josh had Raphael's name and the little teddy bears fixed. :D It's Raphael's house since Ally sleeps on the bed with us but both of them use the condo anyway.

Four Days after Fay Day

Fay is the name of a hurricane that just went across Southwest of Florida last Tuesday. She was pretty strong and went madness. But there's always beauty behind her rage.


She gave us something beautiful to see outside our bedroom.

Vic's New Groove!

Have you ride a ranger? We did. It was pretty cool when you're all dressed up and people see you walking out of the ranger. I'm so out of place. :P

Black Jack ||

Hello future 2-years companion!!! I can't wait to see you, hold you and tickle you!!!!!

Goodbyes

For all friends in Japan:

I'm not great at organizing my own party. The groups of friends I have are extremely diverse and it's pretty hard to get everyone together to see for the last time. If I haven't said this, here it is. Thank you for your friendship. A lot of things over the two years here made my life change forever and it wouldn't be easy without you. Thanks for being by my side. If we didn't get to meet before I leave, that's not the end and that's not how it's supposed to be. I'll be seeing you in the future. I'd like to. I'm never great with goodbyes so if you see me around, please don't say goodbye. How about.. I'll catch ya later? :)

Two years living in Japan has been wonderful. Long enough. It's time to fly, all.

Flight and Life Updates

Departing from Tokyo at 6:30pm on July 19th, 2008. Arriving Fort Myers, FL at 9:34pm on July 19th, 2008. Total of 14 hours flight. Traveling with Ally and Raphael.

Song of the night: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
Message: You hurt me!!! GRRRH!

But... It's not the end of the world because....

I'm finally coming home.


I'm finally having a family.


The mom, the dad, the sister, the grannies, the papa, the nephew and the cousins. ^_^

Band

I'm officially a female vocalist of a band. Tonight was my first session and basically the band is pretty new. It is VERY hard to form a band right here in Japan. Very very difficult for us English-speaking folks plus our lives pretty much evolves in the military base life and stupidity brought on by the boring life we lead here. Yes, we're holding on and kicking off our misery by having fun on our jamming sessions. Until then..

Moving to Florida

Finally, it's June. Josh is going to take leave in exactly 30 days time until the day we wave goodbye to the military life. At this point of time, he is making calls to track my Visa status. We're very excited about uniting with our family in THE States. I've already secured a job and apartment hunting. We're getting a house with a fenced yard for our future Kuvasz where she can roam around as she guards our kingdom. It'll be great for Ally and Raphael to run around at. We're so excited! In 30 days, we're packing everything. Finally! OMG!

Wish us luck, my friends!

Gimme More Cover (But Better..)

Yes, I guess. Hope you're entertained. Just things I'm forced to do when I get bored to the core. :P

Project PAWS Yokosuka

Pets Are Worth Saving



One day, I decided to hang out with the cats. I thought,"Ey why not?" Usually people come in to love and care for the cats but I decided to do something very me. Bumming. So I started laying a throw on the ground and the cats just started to come closer and sit around by my side. Also, I took a short nap. Wow.. Journey to the PAWS by foot from the base's gate is indeed exhausting. I actually enjoyed being around them.

This was the shelter I got my Ally from. All animals in the shelter are given updated shots and the adult cats are sterilized. If you want a declawed cat, I'd suggest you do no harm to the ones with the claws still because look no more, you may just find a bunch of them declawed already in the shelter. I know how a lot of apartments here in Japan would prefer owners having declawed pets. Think about the trauma your pet has to go through with all the pain and blood. No doubt its life will totally be affected and its temperament would change too. Ouh man, that ought to hurt. Ally's declawed too and I'm just lucky that she's all nice and kind still. I don't think she realized she has no claws because she still scratch on cat's scratch cardboard really hard and all.

Anyway.. Pets are worth saving. They're our late night entertainment somehow at home. The constant love and licks they give us, the exercises you get from walking them and nice extra chores to train you to become more responsible and unselfish. Things we learn from them and them learning from us. A friendship to treasure for life. :)